Is this the same guy who owns the Bangalore Royal Challengers in the IPL?

Vijay Mallaya went from one “I put my foot in my mouth’ moment to another in the inaugural season of the IPL. So much so, that a few awards were bestowed upon him. But now the ‘King of good times’ seems to have matured as a team owner.

Cheer up Royal Challengers. This calls for a few rounds of Kingfisher !!!

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IPL Daily Dose – 29/05/2008 - Srikkanth, Arun Lal and Raj Thackeray win non-cricketing IPL awards

The league stage of the IPL is over and the knock-out games start tomorrow. Like the American leagues we will also hand out awards separately for the regular season and then for the knock-out round. In today’s daily dose we will first hand out the non-cricketing awards. Part two will have all the cricketing awards.

Award for the ‘Best Fan Attire/Apparel’ goes to the Blue Chiffon Saris worn by the female fans of the Rajasthan Royals. Forget the jerseys and the Tees; this is as truly Indian as it will ever get. And full marks for original thought. Historically the Rajputs have worn saffron to battle but blue seemed to have done the trick this time round.

Award for the ‘Most Inhospitable Team’ is jointly shared by the Kings XI Punjab and the Kolkata Knight Riders. These teams don’t even have enough accommodation for their own players. On second thoughts the award only goes to the Punjab side. They are part-owned by an hotelier for god’s sake.

Award for the ‘Most Unsporting Parent’ goes to Krishnamachari Srikanth. He disappeared into thin air the day his son made a disappointing debut in the IPL. He didn’t have the gall to make his customary post match player bashing appearance. We wanted to hear his analysis of Anirudha’s performance.

Award for the ‘Most Indigestible Comment’ goes to commentator Ranjit Fernando. On being asked to comment on the poor early form displayed by the Kings XI Punjab, he commented that the foreign players from Sri Lanka were taking a while to get settled as they were suffering from jet lag!!!. Has the island nation drifted away and become part of the American mainland?

Mr Fernando kindly stay back on the stage please. We have another award for you.

Award for the ‘Most Abused Remark’ also goes to Ranjit Fernando. Till the time I could manage to keep count he had already used “and that is the best thing about the IPL format” 23, 387, 543 times. Everything that he saw had to do with format it seems. The world was not created on the day the IPL started, Mr Fernando.

In a manner similar to the way congressman fall over each other in trying to praise Sonia Gandhi, IPL commentators were trying to out-do each other in their efforts to praise Lalit Modi. The theme was to eulogize him as the great visionary who started the IPL. The winner of the ‘Praise Lalit Modi’ suck-athon is Arun Lal. He happened to know that Lalit Modi wasn’t second to Subhash Chandra in thinking about a league like this and that Modi had dreamt of the IPL long before anyone knew. So how did Arun Lal know? Was he in bed with Mr Modi, when the IPL commissioner was dreaming about the IPL?

The Award for the ‘Best Proof that India is far ahead of the World in Gender Equality’ goes to the male cheerleaders in the IPL. Many countries now have female heads of State. But no nation has thought of semi-clad male cheer leaders. Who said there was nothing for female fans in the IPL?

Award for the ‘Worst Team Owner’ goes by a landslide margin to Dr Vijay Mallya. No time to wax eloquent about his efforts. We have more awards to hand out.

Award for the ‘Best Incentive provided by a Team Owner’ goes to Preity Zinta and the kisses handed out by her. No wonder the guys in her team are rocking. Her team also saved on spending for a brand ambassador.

Award for ‘Most Uninterested Politician’ goes to Raj Thackeray. The Mumbai team was playing a ‘Bihari Bhaiya’ in the form of Saurav Tiwary. That there was no reaction from Mr Thackeray and his cohorts is proof enough that he gave the tournament a complete miss.

Award for the ‘Biggest form of Chamchagiri’ goes to all the film stars who came out to support SRK’s Knight Riders against the Mumbai Indians. This game was played in Mumbai and these Chamchas were all decked out in gold and black against a city which has meant a world to them. They also win the Award for ‘Most Disloyal Fans’. Hope their fans turn disloyal too.

And finally the Award for ‘Best Holiday Travel package’ goes to Mr Lalit Modi. By creating various quota requirements for the teams, he ensured that there was tremendous scope for free loaders – guys who were in the sides just to make up the numbers. These guys got to travel with the players, stay in the five star hotels, practise with the game’s greats, sit in the dugouts and run on the field to celebrate. Cricket –mad people in this country will pay a fortune to get such an opportunity. Is there a better holiday package available in this country?

Thanks all of you for coming. We will be back shortly with all the cricketing awards

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IPL Daily Dose - 12/05/2008 - The BCCI has a genius of their own and a new excuse for Mallya

Kings XI Punjab have walloped the Royal Challengers from Bangalore. Don’t know what Dr Mallya is going to say now? "That I was sloshed after having 10 bottles of Royal Challenge, when I decided to bid for the franchise."

Rahul Dravid was gracious in defeat. He accepted his team’s shortcomings and was full of praise for Shaun Marsh and gang. That’s the Dravid we have all come to love and admire. Thank God he’s back.

There’s not much a bowling captain can do when the game is over with almost five overs to go. But I cannot understand why both Praveen Kumar and R Vinay Kumar were not given their quota of 4 overs. Their figures of (2.4/0/15/0) and (2/0/11/1) respectively were outstanding in the context of the game and the format. But no more criticism of Dravid. He’s been through enough already.

Now for some praise of Tom Moody. He continues to excel wherever he goes. And he’s got an eye for talent as well. The likes of Shaun Marsh and Luke Pomersbach might be relative unknowns in the cricketing world but Moody saw enough of them during his time at Western Australia to select them for Mohali. And he must’ve had a say in getting Sangakkara and Mahela as well. It’s a blessing to have a well-travelled coach for an international league. Guys like Moody also end up doing the de-facto job of chief scout. His experience in England will come in handy when the English players join in.

And come to think of it that when Moody came to interview for the India job, some Einstein in the BCCI questioned his credentials on the basis of his mediocre record as a player. Will the great man be kind enough to show his own resume?


Dude of the Day – Unquestionably it has to be Shaun Marsh. Not many guys would have smashed Steyn the way he did; in any form of the game.

Dud of the Day – Dale Steyn. The biggest bowling star in the RCB ended up with the poorest figures in the match by some distance.

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Dr Mallya can become the 'King of Great Sackings'. Here's how

Finally the reason for Charu Sharma's sacking is known. He committed the major blunder of not communicating Dr Mallya's wish to include Misbah in the playing eleven to the team management. And although it was Dravid's decision to bench the Pakistani, Charu really deserved it. After all what is sport without a few scapegoats. Dr Mallya deserves a lot of kudos for not having the balls to take his 'icon' player on.

The team has responded well to the sacking by being consistent in its performance. The skipper led from the front. Dravid's efforts to 'get his eye in' during the middle overs was a crucial moment in the game. His handling of Ganguly ensured that Bangalore continued to separate itself from the rest of the pack.

The pressure is again on Dr Mallya. The skipper has run out of excuses for his 'test team's' splendid run in the IPL. The owner needs to make a few more sackings to justify his team's performance to the fans. As of now the coach is safe and the captain untouchable. Having removed the big kahuna last time, Dr Mallya can now move to the bottom of the food chain. He should sack the guy who handles the team cricket equipment. After all the team's cricket bats haven’t behaved well so far.

And then he can move to the others. Sack someone after every defeat. The conditioning coach for not ensuring the bodies were moving perfectly. The assistant coaches for the team's batting, bowling and fielding. The bus driver for....well, we will think of something after he gets sacked.

The team has six games to go and we could be set for an interesting finale after the team's final game. Dr Mallya should top everything he has done so far by sacking himself. That would be one sacking that no one is going to complain about.

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Vijay Mallya is now the Herb Kohl of the IPL

Owning sports teams is a hobby only the super-rich can indulge in. The IPL finally created such a club in India. Amongst its prominent billionaire members was one Dr Mallya. He had tasted blood through his part-ownership of Force India, but owning the Bangalore IPL franchise was the real deal – a chance to compete for bragging rights like only the super-rich can.

He spent an exorbitant amount of money to buy the franchise and the players and also on the entertainment. Most of the money has been badly spent. The team was ill-suited to the format and lies at the bottom of the pile. The novelty of the cheer-leaders has worn off and the Force India F1 car sits like an orphan in one corner.

But all that is pardonable. There are other teams performing horribly and the entertainment efforts generally stink.

What is not pardonable, however, is the disgraceful manner in which Mallya has sacked his CEO – Charu Sharma. No reason has been given for the move – typical of tyrannical sports owners –they are accountable to none.

That captain Rahul Dravid was given a free-hand to pick the side is a well-known fact. And I am sure Mallya planned all the entertainment action. So, what is Charu’s fault? I don’t like him as a commentator and as a host but he hasn’t done anything to be treated this badly.

With this move, Mallya has a strong case to be anointed as the first ‘bad owner’ of the IPL. My heartiest congratulations. We need all kinds.

What defines bad owners is their knack for irrational and dictatorial moves - Hiring and firing the wrong guys at the drop of a hat. Charu’s unexplained sacking makes Mallya’s resume look complete. Giving Charu only 7 games to make winners out of RCB and that too with his hands tied to his back has to be considered a move worthy of membership.

I am tempted to compare Mallya to George Bush (a hopeless owner with the Texas Rangers in the MLB) but I’ll stick to the NBA. After all Lalit Modi has learnt the most from that league.

So I will call Mallya the Herb Kohl of the IPL. Herb is a senator like Mallya and spends a lot of money on his home-town team - the Milwaukee Bucks. But for all the money, the team stinks. They give big contracts to mediocre player (again sounds familiar, right) and change coaches and GM’s as a man changes his clothes.

A word of caution for Coach Venkatesh Prasad. Expect to be fired when you least expect it. You have a bad owner as a boss.

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