Friday, April 18, 2008

The BCCI has banned me from watching any ‘official’ cricket

I thought I could get away with lavishing praise on the ICL and bashing the BCCI and the IPL. Sadly for me, my crimes have caught up with me. I will have to pay for watching the ICL and writing about it.

The BCCI ban on the players and officials attached to the ICL has now been extended to the fans of the so-called Rebel league. As part of this drive, ICL watchers like me have been cut off from all forms of official cricket.

I have been branded a rebel fan and following are the restrictions imposed on me by the BCCI

  • I can no longer watch any official cricket on TV. In fact my cable operator was forced to choose between official cricket and the ICL, and poor man had to take the former option and black out coverage of the rebel league. He been given a discount on the new IPL coverage tariff imposed on cable operators for his loyalty.
  • Iam not allowed to enter any of the BCCI-controlled stadiums. The BCCI has installed a detection technology used by the Interpol to fish out terrorists at international airports, at all the stadium entrances. They will prevent rogues like me from creating any trouble at official cricket matches.
  • All the websites covering official cricket have blocked my computer from accessing their sites and the lack of my regular dose of cricket is already giving me the withdrawal symptoms. In fact, talks are on with Google to display only official cricket –related content on searches. Thus, India will become only the second country after China to impose restrictions on the search engine.

This ban has made my life hell and I can finally relate to the plight of the players and officials who have been banned by the BCCI. I have a greater sense of bonding with them now. And why should they suffer alone. After all, we are all guilty of disobeying the BCCI. In fact, I have heard rumours that other equally guilty parties will be facing a ban soon. These include all the various vendors who have done business with the ICL. The cricket ball supplier, the tent-house guys, the travel agents, the hotel people, the bankers and even the taxi and rickshaw wallahs. Like the cable operator, who was given a second choice, these guys have been given some time to jump off the ICL bandwagon. The BCCI - just and kind as always, doesn’t want to deprive them of their livelihood and is giving them a second chance to mend their ways. And there is money to be made from these guys also. Alas, we poor fans had no such luck. At least you can’t blame the board for favouritism this time. Everyone and anyone has been an equal sufferer.

The ban is depressing. Life as a cricket fan will never be the same again. I don’t know if I can still call myself a cricket fan. Will I have to call myself something else - an anti-cricket fan or banned cricket fan or a rebel cricket fan?

You can see that Iam already going nuts.

And this could get worse.

What if the BCCI blocks my access to the remaining ‘official cricket’ media forums – newspapers, mobile updates, radio, blogs etc? What if ‘official cricket’ fans were forced to boycott us? What if, the BCCI stopped us from buying all the books about ‘official cricket’ – which covers the entire literature there is on cricket. There is so much I plan to read after I retire. What will a retired, socially inept person like me do without ‘official cricket’? I just hope the laws of this country somehow prevent such a situation. But you never know.

BCCI ke haath bahut lambe hain!

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2 comments:

Amit said...

When dark humour is used correctly the effect is powerful.

Good one!

Aneesh K Deepak Naidu said...

From: Lalit Modi[mailto: ipl.overlord@bcci.tv]
Sent: Saturday, April 19, 2008 10:06 AM
To: 'Aneesh Kumar Deepak'
Cc: 'Avnish Anand'
Subject: Ban on Aneesh K. Deepak

Dear Traitor,

Reference # IPL-2008-04-ZLCCIX-00921.

Further to your continued negligence of all our education about IPL and its rebel league, the following corrective measures are taken to bring you back to your senses.
You are effectively banned from all official Cricket starting from the Midnight of April 16 2008.
This includes acess to Cricket Grounds, Cricket Clubs and associations, Television, Radio, Internet, Mobile Phone, Newspaper, Books, Hoardings, your friends and family affiliated to BCCI.
Further you will not be allowed to use the products from the following business houses: Reliance Industries Ltd, Bombay Dyeing, Apeejay Surendra Group, Dabur, UB Group, GMR Holdings, India Cements, Red Chillies Entertainment, Emerging media group, Deccan Chronicle, DLF, Hero Honda, Kingfisher, Pepsi, ITC Welcome Group, Kingfisher Airlines, Citibank, TV 9, Master Card, Group M, Sony Television, World Sports Group and Live Current media.
You will also be banned from watching the movies of Priety Zinta, Shah Rukh Khan, Juhi Chawla, Hritik Roshan, Vijay and Nayantara. Also you cannot listen to songs that have the lyrics by Viramuthu and music by Ila Arun. Anything directed by Rajeev Menon cannot be viewed by you.

If you ignore this email and continue in your wasteful ways we will have more bans on you in the near future. We are awaiting a positive response in this matter. We can also help you by hiring a lawyer and a psychologist in assisting you.

In Service of Cricket,

L. Modi
Commision-Err IPL.

P.S. No more drooling at the red clad airhostess since you cannot travel Kingfisher and Deccan, No more Beer for you, no more clients to train who operate out of DLF IT parks, leave your house that’s been built using Shankar Cement, No more Only Vimal and Bombay Dyeing clothing. No more Dabur Chawanprash. Please return the bat gifted to your grand mom by Kris Srikanth when he broke your window, return the autographs of cricketers including that of Harbajan Singh in your procession, no more food at Tendulkars, you cannot watch Karun racing for Force One India next season. Withdraw all your blogs about official cricket and cricketers.
We will also approach ICL to ban you.